The Fierce Business Babe Podcast Ep 151: How To Avoid Comparison

Comparing yourself is a natural thing, but it can be very hindering when building an online business. Today, I am going to be helping you avoid comparison within the online space, in your business and in your life along with how you can shift your narrative and start hitting your goals and so much more!

How To Avoid Comparison

By: Melissa Lin

Today we are going to be diving all into something that you have most likely run into before at one point in your business, or, you know, maybe multiple times in your business. Potentially even multiple times this week in your business and it's okay. It's normal. It's happened to all of us and that's a comparison. Comparing yourself to others and looking at others on social media, just others in your industry and your niche, and comparing yourself to them. I want to talk about that today because it's something that I have seen hold a lot of people back from taking that next step, from taking the leap, from stepping outside of their comfort zone, because of fear of judgment. 

It starts with comparisonitis, which is what we like to call it. I'm going to go through how I've experienced it in my business and in my life and ways that you can start to shift away from it. Along with a few questions to ask yourself to help you determine whether you are also in this zone at the moment, or if you've been in this zone of comparing yourself to others before. 

Comparisonitis

So how to avoid comparison. You know, I was diagnosed with comparisonitis in my business quite a few times. I have gone through this myself and it's something that is normal. So let's go through the definition first. So, you know, comparing yourself to others truly is the compulsion to compare somebody else's accomplishments to yours to determine relative importance. So you're truly comparing yourself to somebody else and based off of how far you are from them, you were either telling yourself you're not worthy or you're not there yet or, you know, you can never get there. You are comparing and determining your relative importance or your relative success based on where somebody else is. To be honest, somebody else, that person that you're looking at or comparing yourself to is not on the same page in the book that you are, maybe they've been in business, you know, three years longer than you have. Maybe they're just starting. So many different things, there are so many different factors. So if this is something that you have dealt with, which again, very normal. if you have, send me a DM over on Instagram and let me know. I'd love to hear about that. I know for me personally, more than once, more than twice, more than three times, it has definitely come up for me in the past, you know, when it was affecting me more. So a few years ago, before I started to work really heavily on my mindset and really knowing that I am the only me, I would look at others in my industry and think to myself, “She's been doing this longer than me. So she deserves multiple six figures. I don't, but she does.” I would compare myself to others and again, determine my success or my importance in the social media space based off of somebody else, which is just not true. I was telling myself that story that was not serving me in the slightest. I would tell myself these stories of, you know, “she's in better shape than me. She does XYZ or she can travel.” Whatever that story is, I told myself so many of them. You know, “she deserves more clients than me, She has so many more followers, there's no way I can step up to that level.” Right. How many of you have said that to yourself before? Right.

Stories That Serve You

So, we create these stories based off of other people and based off of these imaginary things in our heads. So this thought process, the story that I was telling myself, prevented my business from booming, honestly, because I was so stuck in those stories that weren't serving me. It also, and this is one of the big, big things, prevented me from collaborating with others and that's also held me back so, so much. It held me back from connecting with other incredible like-minded people in the online space, because I was so terrified. Because all of these stories I was creating, right. I was terrified that my audience would leave me and go to, you know, somebody I collaborated with or someone else who was "competition". I'm sure if you've had that feeling before, totally normal, totally normal. The minute that I started to shift my story and realize that there are an abundance of clients out there. My entire business transformed. I transformed. I was able to breathe easier, you know, sitting up straight again. I had more confidence in myself because I shifted my story, and it starts with that. 

I realize that there will be people in my audience who clicked better with other coaches or other business providers. That's totally okay. Totally okay. It's wonderful because this means that they can find their soulmate coach. Right? If we are in a state of abundance, we know there are an abundance of clients out there, so it's totally okay. Honestly, it's amazing if I can help others connect with that perfect program for them, whether it's me or not, because I know more is still coming to me. So, you know, my business will not suffer if I collaborate. This is the new story I started to shift into. I recommend you create a story that feels aligned to you and really something you can start to believe in and something that's going to also serve you. 

So, my new story: my business will thrive if I collaborate. Not necessarily if, it's when my business will thrive. When I collaborate, I can get in front of more people. I can help more people. I can also help others get in front of more people by bringing them onto my platforms and things like that. So there will be people in your audience that they vibe better with other people that you collaborate with, and there will be people in their audiences that you collaborate with that are going to vibe better with you. I'm sharing this because this is a big example of how my own comparison, I guess, blocked me from moving my business into the next level, and also blocked me from creating an even better community experience by bringing new people into my community and sharing others in my community. So, again, there are an abundance of clients in this world for you to not be afraid to collaborate, stop comparing yourself to others. Your business is not identical to theirs. Your journey is not identical to theirs either. 

Recognizing Comparisonitis

Now, I want you to start to ask yourself a few questions so that we can first determine whether you're kind of in that comparing zone right now, or comparisonitis, because you may be and not even realize it. So I want to ask you a few questions to help you figure out if you're comparing yourself to others and if this is something that's potentially holding you back. So the first question I wanted to ask you is, do you get any kind of FOMO or fear of missing out? Do you fear you're going to miss out or do you see a spike in your anxiety after spending time on social media? If yes, then that means you are comparing yourself to others’ experiences and the things that people are doing on social media. 

Second question, when something good happens, somebody else, do you wonder 'Why them? Not me?” I'm going to say that again. The second question, to kind of rule whether you're in comparisonitis or not, when something good happens to somebody else, do you wonder ‘Why them and not you?’ If the answer is yes, you're definitely comparing. 

The third question is, do you check who's viewed your Instagram story or like your Facebook post or do you check, you know, how many comments you have on your Instagram every single day or multiple times throughout the day? And not because you're collecting data, it's because you feel worthy. The more likes that you have, you feel more worthy, the more comments you have, right. That's another way you are in comparisonitis as well. 

So if you answered yes to any of them, It's very likely you're going through comparisonitis right now. And it's okay. We've all been there and now it's time to help you shift out of it. Right? We can definitely shift out of it. Something that I believe to be true is that your “competition”, the person you see yourself comparing yourself to is actually creating evidence for you that it is possible for you too. That you can also do it. Your competition is showing you it's possible for you. That person you're comparing yourself to is showing you evidence that you can do it too.   

Shift Away from Comparison   

I want to go through several tips to help you shift away from comparing yourself, because this is definitely something that I support my clients with. It's something that I've gone through myself and I want to help you shift away from it too. So, the first way we can start to move away from comparing ourselves to others is to practice more gratitude. Gratitude, every single morning. This is what I start my day with, gratitude, and we even have a gratitude channel in our programs in our community Slack. Because it's so important to, you know, be grateful and also to celebrate how far you've already come, to celebrate the big and little things, right? This is a form of gratitude and something that I love doing, celebrating each little win. Every single win. Life wins. Business wins. All wins get to be celebrated, no matter how big or small they are. When you celebrate it's another source of gratitude. So it's  the incremental progress, like that's the name of the game. Something that I believe to be true is that the more gratitude you show in your daily life, the more you celebrate all things, big and small, the more you're going to attract that abundance into your life. The abundance of clients, the abundance of money, everything will start to flow. So I highly highly recommend starting to practice gratitude if you're not yet, and start to also celebrate more if you're not yet, because that is a form of gratitude. Something else I want to say about celebrating others and staying in abundances, is to celebrate others in abundance. Even when you see somebody else sign new clients, go and celebrate it. And I want to mention, again, like the more that you celebrate then as you see others winning, you will start to shift your story of, you know, just because you see others winning, it doesn't mean you can't win too. So again, start to celebrate more, more, and more and more.

Staying in Your Lane

Another shift that we can start to make, and I highly recommend this, Stay in your lane babe, focus on the things that you're doing. We don't need to be focusing out, you know, on what so-and-so is doing and the strategy that so-and-so is doing, or the way that so-and-so, you know, created graphics and you need to create graphics like that in order to be successful, right? Focus on the things that you're doing. Stay in your lane. And if you ever get kind of that pit in your stomach, when you're watching some of these Instagram stories, somebody's caption, you just don't have that best feeling, because maybe you're comparing yourself or you're over analyzing and over focusing on that person's content. Then it might be time that you mute that person or that content. You're allowed to, especially when you're in a big launch. I love my business besties so much. I love those in my industry, but I want to stay in my lane and focus on me, focus on my clients, focus on my community and give them as much as I can. So I will mute some of my best friends on social media to help me with that, to create that experience for everybody else in my community. And that's totally okay. You're totally allowed to do this. Stay in abundance, staying in your lane. 

Social Media Boundaries

Then, the third thing I want to say is, start to create some social media boundaries. If you are noticing that the bulk of your time on social media is you sitting there and comparing yourself. Then you get to create boundaries on social media, whether that's muting everyone that you are comparing yourself to, whether that is you setting timers and only being on social for, you know, 30 minutes a day or 45 minutes a day and having your phone notify you when you've been on too long, or turning off social media notifications. That is 100% what gets to happen right now. If you have any social media notifications, notifying you, when you get a new comment, like, a new DM or a new message. Go into the app, please mute that. You do not need to get distracted with social media, as you're doing other things like serving your clients and, you know, working with your team and things like that. It's going to help you stay in your lane as well. Then, get back out there to look at that data. When you create the time for social media, create boundaries, those boundaries are going to truly help you by, (a) not comparing yourself nearly as much because you won't be spending as much time scrolling on Instagram or TikTok or Facebook or Pinterest and (b) to create those boundaries. If you're really noticing yourself comparing, what I want to recommend you do is take a step away from social media for a few. Go be present with life. Right? Social media will always be there. I know I always feel so amazing after a quick little detox and just really going, being present in life. This is why you created your business. For freedom of time, freedom of money, to go experience the things in the way that you want to, the way that you desire to. So if you're noticing that, start to mute people, stay in your lane, create social media boundaries. Take a detox if needed to celebrate more, go celebrate others. Celebrate yourself. Be in gratitude as much as possible. That's how we're going to start to shift away from comparing yourself and really start to make note of any time you're starting to feel these things come up.

So today we covered what comparisonitis is, some ways that I've compared myself to others throughout my business, and a few questions to ask yourself to see whether you're in that zone or not. Then, a few ways to help you move away from comparing yourself and so much more. I would love to hear your takeaways and how these tips worked for you. Send me a DM on Instagram @TheMelissaLin. I am always going to be your biggest cheerleader, so you taking the time out of your day to spend with me truly means the world to me. I’ll see you next time. 

Topics we cover include: 

• Comparisonitis 

• Recognizing Comparisonitis

• Shift Away from Comparison 

• Staying in Your Lane, Babe

• Social Media Boundaries

   And so much more!

 Times to check out:

(8:13) Compariontis 

(16:58) Recognizing Comparisonitis

(19:40) Shift Away from Comparison

(21:34) Stay in Your Lane, Babe

(23:36) Social Media Boundaries

FREEBIES:

4 Step Training to Start & Scale Your Online Coaching Business:

https://melissalincoaching.lpages.co/4-steps-to-starting-a-successful-coaching-business

Quiz: Your Next Business Strategy:

https://www.themelissalin.com/quiz

WORK WITH MELISSA:

Are you ready to take your online coaching business to the NEXT level? Have you been wanting to start coaching, finally start making a full time income doing what you love? The Fierce Business Academy might be the right fit for you! Head to the link below for more details and to hop on the waitlist!

The Fierce Business Academy:

https://www.themelissalin.com/academy

The 6 Figure Fierce Business Mastermind:

https://www.themelissalin.com/mastermind

The Caption Capsule

https://www.themelissalin.com/captioncapsule

Promo Code: PODCAST to save $$$ on The Caption Capsule!

Find me on social media for more daily content! 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelissalin/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melissa.lin.180410

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/fiercebusinessbabes/

Fierce Business Academy: https://www.themelissalin.com/academy